This weekend has left me feeling very tired and a bit overwhelmed. My wife and I opened our house to a couple guests. I really love to host. I love having people over to talk and share with each other, eating meals together, and if they need it providing a place to sleep. There is just something about that time that brings people closer together, it is a gift from God. However, this weekend the particular people we were housing were a little different.

You see, my mother in law spent the weekend with us (and her mother but she was very quiet most of the time). I really enjoy having her around, but honestly sometimes it is just a bit much. Her and my wife are both very strong independent women and when they get together they often butt heads. My mother in law has her ideas on mothering and that leaves my wife feeling like she is not doing the right things even though she really knows she is, just stuff like that. She is very strongly opinionated and if something is said that she doesn't agree with she will let you know. That can actually be a wonderful thing, to stand strong for what you believe, but sometimes it is a bit draining.

So after 3 days of hosting, I went to work this morning feeling very tired and a bit overwhelmed. I felt as though my head was spinning round and round and I could not get a firm grasp on anything to stop the spinning. Lucky for me I get to spend an hour and a half Monday through Wednesday in the baby room at work during nap time. This often provides a wonderful time for me to sit back and just think (or fall asleep but I try not to do that).

Today I decided to write down every thought that came to mind. I just wanted to get the thoughts out, jot them down. Even if they were not in an organized pattern on paper at least they could be out of my head for a while and I would get some time to relax. Here is a sample of what I wrote:

"footsteps, cards, send out graduation party invites, cards to youth, they need valuable adult relationships, reach out and pray for Time, missionaries make a lot of sacrifices, hard living with no friends, feel so alone, texting does not help, Call every other night of the week? Once every other week? glasses clear vision, blind but now I see, blind man and Jesus, Easter is named after a goddess, Jesus is alive..."

Some of the thoughts made sense together and some had vast jumps between, but you know what? It really worked at clearing my head. I spent 30 minutes jotting down my thoughts like this.

If you are having trouble thinking or can't seem to wade through the waves of your thoughts I would highly suggest doing this. It may seem weird at first but after a few words things just begin to fall onto the paper. Even when you slow down a time or two do not stop, there may be more and it may be very important that you jot these thoughts down. You will be able to relax your mind for a while and maybe get a grasp on what is important again.

"Happy Easter"

Working in a secular daycare, I hear lots of conversations or comments that I wouldn't really hear working full time for the Church. That just happens, it really shouldn't come as any kind of surprise. They discuss the things they did Friday and Saturday nights, how they felt the following morning, what they drank, and plans for the future to do the same kinds of things. It happens all over, and it really does pull at my heartstrings, and lifting them up in prayer is a regular habit of mine.

But this post is about one specific comment that really made me think. I just barely heard it through all the excitement that was going on with children. A father had come to pick up one of his children and was getting ready to walk out the door when another guy I worked with called out after them "Have a Happy Easter!"

Now your thinking "Really Brandon? After bringing up the discusses of drunk weekends the 'Have a Happy Easter' comment got to you?" Now hear me out. This young man is not a Christian. He actually despises the thought of himself going to church. He grew up in a Catholic Church and not rebells against the things taught there. There are other things about him that I do not need to go into but let's leave it at the fact that He does not know Jesus. Yet he wished someone a "Happy Easter."

People talk about how our world has secularized Christmas. I would like to make the observation that it is not Christmas that has been the most secularized but rather Easter. You see Christmas still has a Christian meaning behind it. The reason people want us to wish each other "happy holidays" is because the word "Christmas" still has Christ tied to it. When most people think of Christmas, the story of Christ's birth comes to mind. However with Easter, I hardly see this "problem." I have never heard that we cannot wish others a "happy Easter." Instead of just tying it in with other holidays we have made it completely secularized. People don't think of the resurrection, nobody is offended by the saying. Why is that? Because Easter is about the Easter Bunny and getting candy and having a good time with family in friends. We have completely stripped Easter of the cross!

What a heartbreaking thing to do! God sent His Son into this world. Jesus lived the life God laid out for Him. He loved people, those who followed Him and even those who didn't. He came to restore the broken relationship between God and man. He loved us so much that He allowed Himself to be beaten and put to death on a cross (Philippians 2:6-8). There really is no greater love than what our Savior showed us by dying on that cross (John 15:13)! Three days later He rose from the dead! He is alive!! What a wonderful story! The story of God's love for us, the story of the beginning of the reconciliation to God, and we have replaced it with a giant, egg hiding rabbit. What a tragedy.

This Easter let us truly take time to reflect on what our Savior has done! Let us read the story of the cross and the resurrection accounts. Before jumping into finding or painting eggs, let us take time out and pray a prayer of thanksgiving for what our Savior has done. Remember what Jesus has done and His great love for you and share it with those around you!!

Planning my Funeral?

Recently I have been thinking about my funeral. I know what you are thinking… “Brandon you are 23 years old, have a wonderful family, you are in good health, and have a long life ahead of you. Why on earth would you waste your time or burden yourself with such a daunting subject?” Honestly before a couple weeks ago I had not given it much thought, but there have been a few things that have jump-started this thinking.

First, I read Michael Hyatt’s book “Creating Your Personal Story.” This book was spectacular. Hyatt discusses how important and helpful having a plan for your life can be. He discusses how it helps with purposeful living. The way he starts though, is telling the reader how in order to know how you are going to get somewhere you must first know where it is you want to end up. So he sets this up by having the reader imagine their funeral and what people will say about them at that occasion.

The second thing that has happened is my great-uncle has been hospitalized with pneumonia. He was put into an induced coma to reduce the stress on his body. Then a few days later he had a heart-attack. While he is still alive (THANK GOD!) it helped jump-start this funeral thinking.

I’m at a point in my career where I have been considering a change (This may be dangerous posting online since I have only discussed this with a few people). I feel God’s call and pull in my life, but so far it has been difficult figuring out where that pull is coming from or to what it is leading. My head begins to spin when I think about the possibilities of where God may be leading me next.

There are so many things that I have talked about becoming. I want to go to Australia, I want to read more, I want to write more (maybe even a book), I want to be a great husband and father, to be used by God to reach out to hurting teens. Who is it that I want to become? Who do I want at my funeral and what do I want them to be saying about me? I spent several hours thinking about these things. I was really surprised by the subjects and people that popped into my mind. When I started thinking about what I wanted them to say the words just started flowing onto the page.

Now I know that just because I have this “life plan,” which I am not even close to completing, doesn’t mean that I will have all the answers but I believe that this accompanied with prayer, continual Bible reading, and a faithful life, I will have a pretty good road map and be able to make a more informed decision, on anything God may be doing in my life. I would serious encourage the reading of this book and then creating your own personal life plan! Hyatt even gives worksheets and resources to help in the process! May we all continue to seek God’s Kingdom above all else and find what it is He desires for our lives!

"Do Unto Others"

Today I was sitting and watching the first 45 minutes of "The Last 10 Yards" (because after coming home from watching 27 3-4 year olds all day I need just a little time to veg out). While three of the characters are getting something to eat they begin to briefly discuss their "religion." Jimmy Tudeski looks at Nicholas Oseransky and says "Do unto others before you're turned into a pillar of salt" Oz relplies "A pillar of salt?" Then Jimmy retorts "Ya! Moses said that. Read your Bible Oz!" I laughed and then went on to do some things around the house. A little later that conversation played back in my head and I began to think of how sad it is to think people really do have that little knowledge of the Word of God. I know, I know it was all meant to be funny, but it's not so funny when it happens in real life.

Jay Leno used to do (and maybe still does but I have not seen his show in forever) a segment "Jay Leno goes Jaywalking." He would walk the streets of New York and ask random people general questions about life. In at least two of these Leno asks questions concerning the Bible. It is crazy how many people out there do not have a general idea of what the Bible says or teaches. And it is not just the "unchurched" population that doesn't know.

I attended Central Christian College of the Bible from 2006-2011 (i graduate in May!!). It has been a wonderful experience and I have really learned above and beyond what I ever expected. I was very surprised to find though, in the first few New and Old Testament classes we took that we had to memorize the books of the Bible in order. This was something I had learned in Sunday School in the 6th grade. Now this is not meant to be a rant on how superior I was, rather it was surprising to me that people who had grown up in the Church could not do this task.

How do we expect the world to come and find the truth revealed in Scripture if we do not know it ourselves? It is impossible to lead a person to a place we have not gone. How safe and confident would you feel if you were going sky diving, spelunking, walking down the Grand Canyon, or going on any kind of guided tour and the tour guide started out by saying, "Ladies and Gentlemen thank you for accompanying me today. I'm sure we are going to have a lot of fun. I have never actually done this before, and I have no idea what I'm doing, but I am sure I can get us through this." If your answer is anything but "um, no thank you," there is something seriously wrong.

We must begin to get into the Word of God ourselves on a daily basis so that we can lead people to Jesus. We must be experiencing the love of Christ, the active work of the Holy Spirit or nobody is going to come follow our lead, or if they do, we will be leading them in the wrong direction and the Bible is very clear about how important a teaching position is. Let's start each and everyday (or end it but I prefer to start I believe it sets the tone of my day) in God's word. Let's memorize it, "hide God's word in my heart," and let it change us. See the Holy Spirit really does work through the Scripture and reveals things to us and changes us. It's when we begin to allow God to work in our lives, when we begin to really know Scripture that we are going to be able to teach it to others, and then lead them to this wonderful salvation that we are commanded to tell the world about! Let us from this day forth continue to be changed by God so that we can "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself."

keep it secret, keep it safe

At Cornerstone we have been going through the Lord of the Rings. We watch a 30 minute segment and then teach a lesson using something from the 30 minutes as an object lesson. It has been a lot of fun and the youth have really enjoyed it. Well instead of watching the last movie like this we decided to have a movie day to wrap it up, so we are watching all three today.

"Keep it secret. Keep it safe" That is the line Gandalf says as he leaves the ring with Frodo. It is a great plan. Gandalf realizes they still have some time but does not want to take the chance of the ring falling into the wrong hands in the mean time. Even speaking of the ring can get Frodo into trouble. No words, actions, or even a lot of thought should be given to the ring once it has been put away. I think sometimes we Christians take Gandalf's words to heart, and while it was great advice for Frodo, it is terrible for us.

Jesus came into this world and showed us how to live. He taught and displayed the way God desires us to be. He spent his whole life making sure His ways were in tune to God and then spent 3 solid years teaching about it. But Jesus wasn't just some good prophet showing us the way back to God. He was and is God! He allowed Himself to be beaten and crucified because He knew He was doing good, He was doing the right thing. He was doing it for us, making the ultimate sacrifice so that our relationship with God could be repaired. God loved us so much!! Jesus loves us so much!! Then He raised from the dead. This isn't some sad story that just ended 2000 years ago with the death of Jesus, He is alive and things have never been the same.

But we are 2000 years removed from the hype that followed these wonderful events and I think it greatly affects the way we respond. Instead of going and telling our friends, neighbors, family members, and the world we spend our days making sure we are keeping the message secret and safe. We have been saved, and we want to make sure our "personal lives" are in tune with God, but outside of that, things get a bit scary. People may not like us if we mentioned what we think about certain topics. Others may laugh, scorn, or even persecute us for the very things we believe.

We cannot separate our "personal lives" from any other part of our lives. When Jesus saves us, when the Holy Spirit fills us, it is not just the part of us that sits in our Lazy Boy and reads the Bible. He saves all of us, the complete person. And it is that person that must then get out of the chair and do everything we can to not keep it secret. We must not allow ourselves to sit on the sidelines but we must actively search for ways to spread the GOOD NEWS! What would the world look like if instead of taking our cues from famous icons, tv shows or even the Lord of the Rings, we instead heard the words of God and then acted on them (James 1:22-25)?

I Want a Faith Like That

Ok so the title isn't exactly "mine." I may have stolen it from a song by some muscularly armed Christian singer, but its true! In the Sunday School class that I have been teaching, we have been going though the book of Genesis. Now I know for many people when you think of an interesting subject to be studying, the first 5 books of the Bible don't exactly scream "EXCITEMENT!" However, I thought it would be a good idea to start in the beginning. There are a few students who have not really studied the Bible, or not for very long so it made sense. So we discussed Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah, and the Tower of Babel. For the last few weeks though we have been studying the life of Abraham. I have never been more amazed by this man than I have been in preparing for these lessons. Maybe the students are not getting anything out of my lessons but I sure am (which I do know is a problem and if they are not getting anything out of them I need to change something but the point is that I'm learning)!

Abraham was a man living comfortably in a city where everyone knew his name. By this time in history, the flood was no longer a big deal. It had come and gone, and people had gone back to what they were doing before, worshiping anything else than the God who created them. So Abraham in probably in a family business, associating with people he knew and loved. Then, one day, Abraham hears a voice. We are told that God speaks to Abraham (Abram at this time) and tells him that He will make Abram a great nation. He instructs Abram to leave his father's household and "go to a land I will show you." So naturally Abram sits back to think about finances, how this will affect others, if this request even makes sense.... ONLY NO! The next verse says "So Abram went forth as the Lord had spoken to him." Oh did I mention he was 75?! He's not some young pup who is itching to leave the house. This man has a life established, but because God instructed him to do something (not even a clear something) he gets up and leaves! Abraham goes on to cutting off his foreskin, talking with God to help save two cities, and almost sacrificing his son. He does all these things and we never find in these accounts where it says that his faith wavered. Actually in Hebrews 11 we find that Abraham actually believed God would resurrect his son if he killed him. Abraham had never seen anyone raised from the dead before. But he believed God so much when God told him that he would have a son and become a great nation that he could not believe anything else.

How amazing is that? Even when things got crazy and Abraham couldn't make sense of why God was doing what He was doing, Abraham believed Him. Sure there were a couple times when Abraham lied to save his skin (which was wrong) but the majority of the time Abraham's faith in the Almighty was unparalleled by any other example we are given. What would it look like in my life to have a faith like that? Would I be able to pack up and "go" if God told me to do so, even if he didn't say specifically where or even why? What would it look like for me to follow our amazing God through everything knowing that as long as I am following Him, He will take care of me? What does that even look like today? May we all find that kind of faith. May we all be transformed by the amazing saving grace of God through Jesus and be transformed into faithful followers, no matter what.

frustration abounds

AAHHHHH!!!!!! That's it. That's all I feel like screaming. The heart inside my chest feels as though it is being ripped right out. Someone has crushed through my ribs, grabbed hold of my heart, crushed it, and pulled it out. Of course that was only after kneeing me in the gut, pushing me over and repeatedly kicking me in the stomach while I lay there helpless. What makes this even worse is that it was done by a friend. This friend that I roomed with in college for 2 1/2 years. We even stayed together over part of a summer in Moberly. We told each other everything: dark secrets from our past, things that were bugging the crap out of us presently, our hopes and dreams, and the wonderful things that we have experienced. This man was my best friend. Sure we had our hard times, times where we would get upset with each other. One of us would do or say something stupid and that would cause some tension between us, but that is what happens in friendships, especially when you allow someone to get that close. But this... now... this is almost more than I can handle. I will go on with life, forgetting about how pressing of a matter it is, and then: WHAM! The memory hits me again and I am left on the ground in the fetal position, tears staining my face as I cry out to God. What happened? How did you get to this place in your life? Why can I not see the friendship repairing and you seeing what you are doing to your life?

You see, some of you (if anyone actually ever reads this lol) will not understand, but one of my friends has just recently decided he is gay. Not only has he decided he is gay but he continues to believe he is doing nothing wrong under the Christian world view. I have always known he has struggled with his sexuality. That is nothing new. I mean if I had the life he had, and dealt with the crap he has had to deal with, I would have struggled with my sexuality too (not that he will admit it now). He would share with me late at night about the struggle he was having with his flesh. The struggle to fight the strange urges he would have. He would weep over how difficult life would be at times, he would binge because life was so difficult. It was hard to see him like that, but I tried to be there, as much as he would let me. Sometimes he would pull away and would no longer talk with me. It hurt, but I understood. I tried to be there for him whenever he needed it. But now... now he is saying that he never even struggled at all. Now he is saying that he has always been the man he is. He is claiming that he lied to me those late nights as he cried and poured himself out to me! Not that I believe him. But it hurts to know that he is trying to take all of that back. To say that the very foundation of our friendship never even existed. That's just a kick in the place where you don't kick. He says he has always known he was gay, and although he really doesn't have Scripture to back up his point, he refuses to see his error. Romans 1:26-27 clearly does not deal with just having sex outside of marriage but he so desperately wants it to, that he has convinced himself that is what it means. He has given up the fight and has replaced it with what feels good. He has given up the marvelous light for the darkness. I am not one to say whether someone is a Christian or not, that is not my call. I will say that it is a dangerous place to be, to just throw Scripture out the door and believe what you want to instead of looking at the truth it reveals.

This situation has made me look into my own life. I never want to find myself living one way when Scripture is clearly telling me to live another. I never want for someone to point out the Truth of the Word of God and for me to turn my back and say "yeah well that's what you believe but I'm still going to live this way anyway." What a dangerous place to be. May God allow me to live in the light of His Word. May God expose my sin so that I do not live in it. We cannot live both in the darkness and the light. We cannot serve two masters. We cannot have two identities. Gay and Christian are two complete identities, eventually one will win out. Murderer and Christian are separate, Liar and Christian, anything that identifies us apart from Christ will separate us from Him.